Friday, February 12, 2010

Now Available: inkinyoureye processed cheese
















So you don't think SPAM's your thing,
And I don't really blame you.
For it wasn't my "cup of tea" either.
Conglomerate pork bits, and that mysterious "slime,"
Had me thinkin' we may all need "a breather."
That was, until I fried it,
Then tasted, and tried it,
And it went down with surprising ease!
So try a SPAM burger, with all of the trimmings,
including delicious inkinyoureye processed cheese.


The Most Difficult Poem I've Never Written

coming soon

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Space-Time Tapestry

http://www.mornishapartments.co.uk/images/beach-sunset-large.jpg


Waves of light wash upon a distant shore,
wiki.ursinus.edu

Monday, February 8, 2010

The Inkmatic 9000


So I hear there's an interesting new book out,

written by a descendant of famous pitchmen.

Ron of Ronco, Billy Mays, and others,

Sold us slicers, and dicers, and pocket fishermen.

If these guys can make f-ing millions,

Selling us stuff that soon falls apart,

Then why can't I make a few honest dollars,

Selling my original poetry and art?





NOW FOR ONLY $19.95! But wait, there's more!







Sunday, February 7, 2010

King of the Pier















http://www.noozhawk.com/images/uploads/0912GoletaPier540.JPG

Two keepers in two weekends,
That makes three for the summer.
My legend is woven from monofilament.
My fame is equal, round these parts at least,
To those guys who win fancy bass tournaments.
A handful of smelt swim round in my pail,
My goblet is filled with the finest brown ale.
My rod is my scepter, and a bird-poop covered bench my throne,
I’ll have to sharpen my fillet knife when I get home.
I am King of the Pier.


          



 

A Murder of Crows

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/8d/Dead_crow.jpg
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Murder_of_Crows

Birds of a feather, all flock together,
We all heard how that saying goes.
To help explain, it will help to recount,
The story of the Murder of Crows.

How it all began, it’s not totally clear.
A complaint was filed,
Based not on fact, but on fear:
“They re too dark, they’re too noisy, they incessantly caw.
They rob the young from our nests,
And they’re not nice at all!”

So a bounty was placed, upon the crows’ heads.
And the hunters went out, and killed most of them dead.
The ones that remained, they put them on trial,
Before a Parliament of Eagles, and a Congress of Owls.
The crows were found guilty of various crimes,
The most serious of which, only warranted fines.
But the crows, they were sentenced, to life without chance,
Of parole for good behavior, or reprieve for kind acts…

Well, those crows, they’re all dead now.
They died behind walls, of thick mortar and brick,
Used to silence their caws.
But their memories remain, in the hearts and the souls,
Of new generations, of old and young crows.

But crows today, they are cautious.
They’re reluctant to caw.
They avoid hunters, eagles and owls.
So if a crow sees you coming, and starts to take fright,
Just remember what happened, and that they have a right,
To be wary of their lighter-feathered brothers of flight.
And of men who promise peace, and then turn to fight.
You see history has taught them, has given them reason,
For in the land of eagles, it’s still often crow season.

The King Of SPAMville

THE KING OF SPAMVILLE- by David Alexander
By now you’re all way too familiar,
With the story of my Christmas card project.
I bought a card printer, lots of paper, and ink,
And started cranking-out what I call "art objects."

I changed my facade from stodgy to artsy,
Unbuttoned my shirt, and donned some hep jewelry.
Some may think I’m The King of Spamville,
But in my own mind, I’m the king of card coolery.


(Wikipedia image of Scottish 
kingRobert the Bruce)


SPAM (youtube Monty Python)


FB Dethrones Spam King!- Following a lengthy siege, the fb strategy of lobbing diseased animals into the Spam stronghold seems to have, in the end, been the decisive blow.


Spammer in the Slammer!- Denied access to medical SPAM!